There’s a quiet war happening in our relationships.
It’s in the subtle shade on social media, the viral videos we laugh at but secretly cry over, and the private conversations we’re too afraid to have. Somewhere along the way, love became more about survival than connection. Trust became a threat. And relationships? A battlefield of ego, performance, and pain.
So, I have to ask the question: Who’s fooling who?
Because what’s going on out here doesn’t feel like love anymore.
The Blame Game Is a Distraction
We’ve gotten really good at pointing fingers.
Men blame women for being “too independent.”
Women blame men for being emotionally unavailable or “not stepping up.”
Everyone’s tired, disappointed, and afraid.
The truth is, it’s easier to cast blame than to do the hard, slow work of healing ourselves. But we can’t build whole relationships from broken pieces — not without first doing the work to understand where the cracks started.
The Relationship Industry Is Booming – And We’re Paying the Price
Let’s be real: there’s money in our dysfunction.
Billions are made off our insecurities — in makeup, body enhancements, dating apps, “boss babe” coaching, alpha male podcasts, and “how to land a high-value partner” content. They tell us we’re not enough as we are — not pretty enough, rich enough, masculine enough, feminine enough.
So we perform. We mold. We chase trends.
But the more we try to “level up,” the lonelier and more disconnected we feel.
And the Children? They’re Watching.
They’re learning love from what we show them.
They’re learning that commitment is optional, that heartbreak is normal, and that manipulation equals power.
And what’s worse? They’re growing up thinking this is just how love works.
But it’s not.
We’re All Searching for the Same Thing
Beneath the chaos and commentary, there’s a shared longing.
We want love. Real love.
Love that sees us. Holds us. Builds us.
Love that reflects safety, commitment, and purpose, not performance.
But many of us have forgotten what love actually is. We’ve confused attention for affection, control for connection, and sex for intimacy. We’re chasing outcomes without healing the parts of ourselves that keep choosing pain over peace.
When Purpose Is Forgotten, Abuse Is Inevitable
I once heard a powerful statement:
“When you don’t know the purpose of a thing, abuse is inevitable.”
This couldn’t be more true when it comes to relationships.
If we think relationships exist to make us feel good, validate our worth, or “fix” us, we’ll keep misusing them — and each other. We’ll keep dating out of desperation. We’ll keep trying to earn love by overgiving or playing games. And eventually, we’ll keep ending up in the same cycles with different faces.
So, How Do We Begin to Heal?
We have to walk back home to ourselves.
Before we can build strong partnerships, we need strong foundations. Not perfect ones, but whole enough to love without losing ourselves. That means asking some honest questions:
- Do I love myself in a way that sets the standard for how I want to be loved?
- Am I carrying unhealed trauma into every new connection?
- Am I seeking a relationship to avoid being alone or to share a whole life with someone?
- Do I know the difference between connection and codependency?
Healing starts here. Not in another dating app or “high-value” list. But in truth, accountability, and a willingness to grow.
Final Thoughts: A Call Back to Real Love
We don’t need more viral relationship advice.
We need more real conversations.
We need less fear and more empathy.
Less performing and more presence.
Less “winning” and more we.
It’s time to stop fooling ourselves.
Love still exists. But it doesn’t live in the noise.
It lives in self-awareness, in community, in truth, and in hearts willing to do the work.
Let’s heal, not just for ourselves, but for each other — and for the generations that are learning love through our example.
