If you, exactly as you are right now, were asked to marry you, would you say yes?
Sit with that for a moment. Think beyond the surface. Consider everything you expect from a future spouse or partner — emotionally healthy, financially secure, physically well, spiritually grounded, intellectually sharp, and emotionally mature. Add to that: romantic, sexually compatible, kind, passionate, supportive, and a great communicator.
Now ask yourself: Are you that person?
Are you actively cultivating the very traits you expect from someone else? Or are you setting standards you haven’t yet met yourself? These are not just rhetorical questions — they are a mirror, held up for honest reflection. Because real relationships, healthy ones, are not built on fantasy. They’re built on reciprocity — the exchange of mutual value, energy, and effort.
The Conversation That Changed My Thinking
One day, I was picking up my daughters from school and stopped by the aftercare office to chat with the Director, a friend of mine. A stunning woman walked in to pick up her son and began chatting with my friend. The topic quickly shifted to her child’s father and then to her desire to find a “rich man.”
Curious, I asked if I could join the conversation. She agreed. I asked her why she wanted a rich man. Without hesitation, she said, “Because I deserve one. Look at what I bring to the table,” gesturing to herself.
I asked, “Why do you feel you deserve a rich man?”
She replied, “I’m tired of working, and I’m a good woman.”
I gently pushed further, “By whose standard?”
She looked puzzled.
I clarified that I meant no disrespect, but this idea of “deserving” based on appearance or self-declared virtue is a narrative that needs qualification. I asked again, “What are you really bringing to the table?”
Again, she pointed to her appearance.
I told her, “You are very beautiful — no doubt. But so are many other women. What sets you apart?”
She said, “I know how to please a man.”
My response was honest: “So do prostitutes and call girls.”
The Missing Ingredient: Reciprocity
And before you assume this is a “young people” issue, let me stop you. This kind of thinking spans from eighteen to eighty. It’s not about age. It’s about entitlement without effort, expectations without introspection.
The missing ingredient in so many relationships today is reciprocity — the idea of giving and receiving for mutual benefit. We’ve reduced relationships to checklists of superficial traits: money, status, looks, and sexual performance. As a result, we are left with self-centered, materialistic, over-sexualized partnerships that lack emotional substance and mutual support.
But there’s an even deeper issue at play.
The Real Problem: Lack of Self-Awareness
What’s truly eroding relationships today is a lack of self-awareness.
People desire love, loyalty, stability, and growth — yet often haven’t done the inner work to embody those things themselves. We want someone who will understand us, but have we learned to communicate clearly? We want someone supportive, but are we emotionally available? We want success, but are we disciplined and focused?
The root issue isn’t that people want more — it’s that they often want more without being more.
Ask Yourself This:
- Do I bring peace, or do I expect others to tolerate my chaos?
- Am I working on my goals, or am I waiting for someone to fund my dreams?
- Am I looking to give love, or just to receive it?
- Am I the kind of partner I’m praying to meet?
This blog isn’t about judgment — it’s about reflection. A mirror confrontation. The relationships we long for are often a reflection of the work we’re willing to do on ourselves first.
Final Thought
Before you make your list of what you want in a partner, ask yourself: Would I marry me?
Because the truth is, the love you’re waiting for might be waiting for you to grow into it.
